Waiting

Well, I am still a work in progress, but there has been some actual progress. Not the progress I was aiming for, but then it seems like that is just the way it goes.
In the past two months I have moved the new man into my home, got myself a new job (only half time, I will keep my old job half time), and started fixing up my yard. I have to say, I am really, really happy. And yes, I am a happy person overall, but this is a surprising level of happiness, even for me. I keep wondering when the dropper is going to fall open. Sick, isn’t it?
This is not an entirely unfounded fear. There are several factors that could complicate my happy, happy life. The new job is not just new to me; it is new to everyone at my work. On the one hand, this is like being given a blank canvas and being told to have fun and paint. On the other, art is subjective. What if “they” hate what I create? It makes me a little nervous. My yard was a blank canvas when I bought the house nine years ago. Now it is still blank, but with some holes in it that are not part of an artistic plan. Good thing we are tackling that too, I really need to get that metaphor out of my mind.
Another factor is that while things are improving on the financial front, it is a very slow process. And as far as the improvements on my physical being, those are even slower. My motivation still seems more hypothetical than action oriented. This coupled by my man’s seemingly unending energy make me wonder sometimes what he sees in me? I like to think that I have always been myself, so none of these truths about myself should be a surprise, but what happens when the lust clears from his vision and he starts to recognize that I am just a normal girl with some bad habits?
So there are clearly some things that I need to continue working on. I hope that by occasionally checking in with myself I will continue to show improvement, become more secure in my happiness, and take my head out of the imaginary noose I find myself putting it in. Everything is going great and will continue to go great, right?